The plot

Dimitri knew the pigeons were up to something. Twice a day, at dawn and dusk they gathered  at a branch. One single, heavily weighted branch holding more pigeons than the day before. Dimitri ruffled his feathers and puffed out his chest. Then he preened his feathers as though he had not a care in the world.

One of the things that Dimitri liked was sipping Mario's handcrafted beers. Sometimes, when he had sipped too many he liked to try to balance a beer bottle on Mario's head

The unicorn expansion pack was everything that Chip at GameStop had promised it would be. With a freshly cracked open Yoohoo and a fruit roll up hanging out of his mouth, Mario played until dawn

Mario busted through the door barely able to contain his excitement! The new expansion pack to his favorite game, Star Wizard had just been released and he was first in line. Thanks to preordering three years ago. The Marshmallow Unicorn battle was supposed to be epic!

Dimitri tried to content in the apartment, alone all day while Mario was at work. He liked to look out the window at the pigeons. Those taunting, teasing pigeons. Oh, how Dimitri hated them. Mocking him on the telephone wires. One day, one day- he vows that he will escape and give them a good scare! He raises his wings to his full, menacing wingspan and hunches his shoulders.

Dimitri was a clever condor. He liked to sit on the tops of doors and then gently scratch the top of Mario's head. Just to freak him out.

They moved into a flat with neither dog, fish nor cat but sufficiently stocked with cacophonous noise. Mario worked all day, watching looped videos play and Dimitri entertained himself with live mouse toys.